Spiritual companionship, also called spiritual direction, is when a trained, experienced person listens deeply to someone’s story with the intention to hear, feel, and attend to what is most authentic and sacred within them.

It can involve times of silence as well as speaking, and can engage our physical selves, the imagination and the senses to gain clarity and insight, and tap into our own inner wisdom.

This inner wisdom is an expression of the sacred, the holy, God, a higher power, or the universe.

Awareness and interest in spirituality in our time has been growing for quite a while, and has become more urgent amid the political and religious divisions humanity experiences on a daily basis, as well as the decline in people’s religious affiliations.

You may be one among a growing number of people who are on a spiritual journey apart from a particular religion. You may be a member of a religious denomination, but you’re feeling a longing for something more, something deeper that is missing from your religion.

What is Spiritual Companionship?

While interest in spiritual companioning is a recent development, people have been seeking spiritual counsel for millennia. St. John, for whom the Fourth Gospel is named, purportedly tutored Polycarp of Smyrna in the first century, but the roots of spiritual companionship were firmly established in the monastic traditions from the second century onward.

The purpose of spiritual companionship is to help you become attuned to what is going on in the events of your life and help you make meaning of them.

A big part of this process is developing awareness of your innermost thoughts and feelings in response to the events unfolding in your life, because these, too, are a major way God or the Sacred communicates with us. The Quaker educator and writer Parker Palmer calls this, “letting your life speak.”

The role of a spiritual director is not to direct you, but for you both to seek direction together from that greater wisdom, whether it’s labeled God, the Holy, the Universe, the Sacred, or a Higher Power. A good spiritual director accompanies you on your journey, listening to your life story, asking good questions and holding space open for that meaning-making to occur.

Is Spiritual Companionship for Me?

You might seek out a spiritual companion for any number of reasons, but here are a few common ones:

• You need discernment in a major life decision.
• To learn a spiritual practice, or experiment with new ones.
• To find meaning beyond a loss or grief.
• To navigate a “dry” period, or a “dark night of the soul.”
• You need to heal or recover, and need a safe space to be heard and validated.
• You just feel drawn to go deeper, spiritually—maybe for the first time in your life.

You might be seeking a spiritual companion because you’re going through a big change in your life, which may be brought about by a death or other loss. You might be contemplating a career or other vocational change. You might be new in recovery, and have reached a point in that recovery where you want to go deeper, spiritually.

People often seek out a spiritual director when they’re seeking clarity and a sense of direction; this is called discernment. Discernment can be difficult because it doesn’t involve making a choice between a good option and a bad one. If you keep choosing an option that’s bad for you and want to get out of that pattern, you may find a therapist helpful.

But when you’re faced with two good options that both look right to you, even feel right—it can still be tough to sort through the all the pros and cons and your inner guidance and feelings. This is where you may find that a spiritual director can help you discern between the two options and move into this next chapter with clarity, purpose and direction.

What can Spiritual Companioning Help Me With?

• Deepening your prayer or meditation, becoming more “centered.”
• Learning practices that deepen your inner life.
• Increased trust in yourself to tend your spiritual life.
• Clarity about your life’s purpose right now.
• Personal agency to act on your identity, relationships, and purpose.

What CAN’T Spiritual Companionship Accomplish?

• It can’t “fix” someone’s spiritual life, as though something is wrong. People who spend time in spiritual companionship often find, over time, that they feel more whole, healed, and centered, but these are the products of attending to your inner life with a spiritual companion.
• A companion’s role isn’t to guide or direct you in what to do or how to pursue your spiritual life. I might suggest a book or other resource, or show you a way to pray or meditate, but these are just suggestions, not instructions. I won’t check at our next meeting to see if you did your “homework.”
• A spiritual companion is NOT a coach, therapist, counselor, or advisor. These all have their place, and I might recommend you work with one of these to address specific issues. And while we may talk about your job situation, grief over a loss, or some mental health challenges or relationship difficulties you’re having in the course of a session, our main goal is different: to listen, openly and deeply, to the movement of Spirit as you share your experiences, emotions, and longings from your deepest heart.

How do I Choose a Spiritual Companion?

• The person shouldn’t have a dual role with you, such as being your pastor, priest, or rabbi, or your therapist. This helps to keep your relationship and the kind of work you do together clear.
• The person should be working regularly with their own spiritual director/companion.
• They should be in either individual or group supervision. This means they meet regularly with a spiritual companion trained as a supervisor to work with and guide other companions with specific situations and clients.
• Make an appointment for an initial session, to get a feel for whether this person is a good fit.
• Ask them to tell you about their training, and how they approach this work.
• Do an internet search. A good place to start is the SDI website. SDI is a worldwide organization for spiritual directors and companions of all types and traditions, including those not affiliated with a religious tradition.

What are the Different Types of Spiritual Companions?

There are two basic types or approaches to Spiritual Companionship: Non-Directive (often called the Evocative Method) and Directive.

Non-Directive is the kind of companionship I’m trained in, and it’s the predominant style today, outside of monasteries or religious orders.

Teresa Blythe, a director in Arizona, has a great description of these two types of companionship.

Within each of these two types of spiritual companionship, there are as many different styles of companions as there are people who do spiritual companionship. My advice is, start with an internet search to narrow down your criteria; ask for suggestions from someone you know and trust who sees a spiritual companion on a regular basis; and schedule initial visits with companions to see who’s a good fit.

Starting to see a spiritual companion 13 years ago was one of the most life-changing decisions I ever made. I hope for the same for you.

Contact me to learn more at 612-470-2688. I’d love to hear from you!