What’s the Difference Between Spiritual Direction and Companionship?

In conversations with people about what I do, I’m often asked what the difference is between spiritual direction and spiritual companionship. The terms are used interchangeably: in the program through which I earned my certification, we used the term spiritual direction most often, but I call what I do spiritual companionship. There’s a subtle but important difference.

Both terms denote a formal relationship whose goal is deepening a person’s spiritual life, however they conceive of it. (See my other blog post, “What is Spiritual Companionship, and is it for Me?” for a fuller definition of companioning.)

Spiritual Direction/Companionship differs from counseling, therapy, or coaching in that it’s not focused on diagnosing pathologies, fixing problems, or prescribing solutions or treatment. It’s also not primarily about the director/companion telling or directing the other person what to do.

As Nevada spiritual companion Jacci Turner notes, “The name spiritual direction is a bit of a misnomer. A spiritual director does not give you direction. Spiritual companion might be a better term. It is a person who sits with you in the presence of the divine and listens deeply.”

A Larger Perspective

It can work beautifully with any of these other approaches by helping the person see whatever they’re dealing with in therapy in the larger context of their spiritual journey, and introducing resources such as meditation, journalling, prayer, body focusing and others that can support therapy’s treatment goals.

But many people who seek spiritual companionship aren’t in therapy and may not have a specific problem or clear goal they want to pursue in spiritual companionship.

They could be going through a career or other transition in life, or they might be dealing with grief and loss; other times, people contact me because they may be religiously unaffiliated and have no one else with whom they can talk about their spiritual journey.

Other times, people simply come with a burning desire to have someone listen to them, and they wonder if the things they need to talk about are “spiritual.” So sometimes they need a conversation with me just to know a little more about spiritual companionship to see if it might be right for them.

An Ancient Practice

Spiritual direction originated in one-to-one relationships of spiritual seekers and guides nearly two thousand years ago, and in the early years of Christianity people sought out the wisdom and guidance of the Desert Fathers and Mothers.

Christian spiritual direction has parallels in other religious streams such as Buddhism, but the term “spiritual direction” arose to describe its practice among Christians, particularly priests, monks and nuns in Catholicism.

In those days, these people received spiritual formation from a director who was their superior within their order or community of faith, and so the term “direction” fit very well; the relationship was not one of equals, and the community vow of obedience made any advice to the directee more of a requirement than a suggestion.

A More Inclusive Term

Episcopal priest Tilden Edwards of the Shalem Institute in Washington, DC, was likely the first to introduce the term “companion” to describe the spiritual direction relationship. Unlike earlier, monastic models of spiritual direction, the spiritual companion has no other agenda than to accompany people and listen deeply as they share their sacred stories, and stand in witness to the work of spirit in their lives.

When people come to me to discuss whether spiritual companioning is for them and I ask them what brings them, they say they have questions they don’t know how to ask or with whom to talk about them. Or they can’t articulate the reasons they’ve come, other than to say they feel clear about needing to be here. “I have no idea why, but I know I’m supposed to be here,” they say.

You can see why they need a companion to accompany them, not a director to tell them what it all means, or what to do. In fact, discovering together what it means is perhaps the central act of a session of spiritual companionship.

An Invitation

Whether it’s called spiritual companionship or spiritual direction, we are all seeking direction from a source beyond ourselves that we call God, a Higher Power, the divine, the sacred or the holy.

Call me at 612-470-2688 or contact me here to schedule an initial, exploratory conversation with me! We can meet in person or virtually.